Cryptozoological marvels

Key-mouthed Flyphonophore

Image of Key-mouthed FlyphonophoreThe Key-mouthed Flyphonophore is the aerial version of its deep-sea cousins, the siphonophores. Like siphonophores, it too may appear to be a single organism; however, each specimen is in fact a colonial organism composed of small individual animals called zooids, each of which contributes its own special function for survival of the whole. For example, the ballon zooid is responsible for flight, while the four flipper-legs give it propulsion in its natural habitat, high in the troposphere.

The Flyphonophore’s sharpened key-shaped teeth are designed for feeding on its preferred food-source: packets of nearly invisible bad feelings that float upward from the world below. It bursts the globules of bad feelings, ingests them, and excretes dense cuddle-puffs, which then fall back to the earth to be inhaled by humans. These cuddle-puffs help us feel better after we’re sad.

 

Spatula-handed Flurb


The Spatula-handed Flerb can be found working in carnivals and circuses, behind the main stage, mostly as a fry cook. It’s handy head-hands allow it to hold onto many things at once, making it a valuable employee. Also, if it flaps its head-hands hard enough, it can fly short distances. They have a friendly, open demeanour, and they love to laugh. This takes some getting used to, though, as their chuckles sound like burps to human ears.

 

Electric Hyeela!

Hyeela image

The Electric Hyeela (Electrophorus Hyaenidae) is a surviour among survivours. It has razor sharp serrated teeth, incredible low-light vision, and it can produce a shock equivalent to a high-powered Taser gun. It’s favourite food is the legendarily formidable goliath tigerfish (hydrocynus goliath). This formidable fish, which can reach 5 ft in length and weigh 110 lbs, is subdued more easily following the hyeela’s electric assault. Its niche is exploited during central Africa’s monsoon season, when floods increase its roaming habitat considerably. This incredibly rare species has come under threat due to climate change. Sadly, it is poached for its organs, which fetch high prices in the illegal organ trade. Like its distant relative, the electric eel, it also has three pairs of abdominal organs that produce electricity: the main organ, the Hunter’s organ, and the Sach’s organ. However, these organs are proportionally larger, and capable of producing enough power to recharge a car battery. Until recently, some families would rear and tame these highly charged rarities to serve as home security, or a mobile alternative to electric fencing.

 

Puffer Finch!

Puffer Finch picture

The puffer finch is one of the rarest marvels we have yet discovered! It lives only on the shores of one island in the Caribbean, Virgin Gorda. Its size allows it to sustain itself on very little food. It plays in the warm shallows near the shoreline in search of succulent bits of seaweed. Should it need to escape aggressors, the puffer finch uses its bird-like call to attracted seahorses, which it clings to with its tiny fins, riding it to deeper waters. Fewer than five are thought to exist and the Caribbean government has taken steps to protect this wondrous animal. Swimming is banned at their breeding beaches and scientists work apace to understand more about this gentle creature.

 

Hedgehog!

Hedgehog!

Not to be confused with its distant, North African cousin, Atelerix algirus, this hedgehog, Suidaeus Cuddlieus, resides in North America. Like the barn owl, they inhabit barns and similar abandoned and quiet spaces, where they can spend the winter hibernating in clusters of up to seven individuals. Hedgehogs have strong family bonds, and they will often travel great distances, especially in Spring, to reach relatives. They prefer to travel by train, and can often be found napping behind carry-on luggage. Be sure to hide your crackers, as these tiny creatures can eat their weight in snacks in under an hour!

 

Alpecko!

Sticky-handed as a gecko and as mauve in nature as an Alpaca, fuzzius macularius, commonly known as the Alpecko, spends most of its days asleep in a sandy burrow to avoid the high-desert heat of the Atacama Desert. In the gloaming light, this voracious but comically clumsy insectivore emerges to feast on everything from sand lice to large, hairy spiders. Sadly, due to the Alpecko’s furry face, the larger spiders can sometimes mistake it for a mate, which can result in a painfully uncomfortable form of reverse predation.

 

Moodle!

moodle picture

This fuzzy, little nocturnal snoop lives next to in-home dryers, and can eat its weight in lint each night. Be sure to leave your dryer doors open a crack, especially in winter, when it requires an extra-fuzzy coat to stay warm. Unlike the moths it resembles, the moodle is not attracted to bright lights, which is a convenient adaptation, given the flammability of its fur!

 

Koalynx!

Koalynx!

The Koalynx likes strawberries, particularly the smaller succulent variety, which it can grasp easily with its thimble-sized paws. This silent and usually nocturnal herbivore is depicted here during a warm, evening gloam, and has apparently left its treetop nest to get a head start on its night-time feed in a backyard garden. Be sure to brush away your eggshell slug-barriers from your strawberry patch, at least occasionally, so that the Koalynx does not cut its tender paws on its way to its favourite fruity feast!

 

Slothelot!

bunguin image

Bunguin researchers have been missing for several months, under deep cover and even deeper assignment in the jungles of Brazil. They were after this unprecedented shot of the slothelot. This creature, unlike the typical sloth, is as wily and dexterous as an ocelot. However, it is often a victim of its own gluttony and requires frequent power-naps, in which it reposes in inverted torpor for several minutes at time, before it reanimates and bounds through the trees again like a caffeinated gibbon. Luckily, our exhausted and weather-beaten photographers captured this fantastic, furry feline-like beast before it capered off in a brown blur.

 

Emoose!

Emoose!

The emoose is a native of Western Australia, and shares much of its DNA with other D. novaehollandiae species, though the emoose, D. novaehollandiae moosalis, feeds and mates very differently than its cousins.

Unlike other emus, which lay eggs, the emoose gives live birth, and the mothers carry around their younglings in the fuzzy saftey of their robust antlers. Both sexes sport antlers, though the male emoose’s are slightly sharper than the females’.

In the Perth region, the emoose is known collloquially as the uilleann-pipe bird, given the beast’s resemblance to the instrument, and its bizarre mating call, which sounds much like an amateur bagpiper.

 

Kangarougar!

The kangarougar is a terrifyingly efficient hunter, and, unlike the cougar, whose speeds are limited to roughly 55 kph, this keen-eyed predator can reach over 75 kph on open ground. Located primarily in eastern Australia, the kangarougar can leap clear over the 8m-high fences designed to deter them from preying on domestic cattle herds. And, they are as elusive as they are deadly.

This rare photograph was taken recently by Bunguin‘s Australian correspondent, Dr. White, and it presents the first kangarougar in-motion capture known to science. Previously, even the most dedicated (and medicated) scientists were too terrified to approach this closely. Luckily, Dr. White had taken cues from an early pioneer in animal-encounter management.

 

The Hawksund!

The hawksund is a little-known import of the Norman conquest of 1066. Many historians suggest that the hawksund is responsible for Medieval griffin lore. The Normans used this lithe and agile predator for daily hunts for voles, rats, and other small mammals. Fortunately, southern England was ripe with the same prey. As a direct competitor with the fox, however, the hawksund struggled to maintain its population. Today, it is extremely rare. Thanks to a sway in public opinion, the hawksund is no longer a hunting companion, for mammals at least. Now, organic farmers throughout southern England employ these fiercely loyal creatures as truffle seekers.

 

Chipmunkey!

The chipmunkey inhabits scrub-lands throughout Madagascar. This extraordinarily rare and gluttonous primate has evolved to stuff itself to bursting, prior to its Summer hibernation, which Bunguin scientists have recently discovered is closer to a prolonged siesta.

The chipmunkey reposes into a torpid bliss for weeks at a time, and requires other kindly primates to carry it from danger. Captured here, for the first time on camera, this chipmunkey has relied upon a companionable lemur as a means to escape predation. Note its rounded cheeks, which brim with plenty. Bunguin scientists have yet to confirm the chipmunkey’s genetic relationship, if any, to the hummster.

 

Walrusaurus!

walrusaurus

Nature suprises, yet again! The walrusaurus was thought as lost to Time as the coelacanth. Though, to be fair, the walrusaurus, a foraging vegetarian, was likely born of the late Jurassic period. This highly social pack-animal was surmised to be extinct, and last seen in the late 1600s, in present-day Turkey, where it was known as bıyık canavarı or “moustache beast.” Scientists refer to it in Latin as mustachi robustus. This discovery is particularly well-timed, in light of global Movember awareness. People of the world that can do so, grow your ‘staches and help the walrasaurus feel at home once again!

 

Vampire Cat!

With the exception of costumed children, no creature is more ravenous for candy than the vampire cat. It roams urban neighbourhoods, scrounging for sweets, be they discarded raisin Glosettes, half-eaten and melted freezies, or donut crumbs. These scavengers band together in an effort to suck the saccharin from their surroundings, by any means.

Upon Halloween night, for example, they’ve been known to stack-up, shoulder upon shoulder, under a cape, don a mask, and attempt to imitate tricker-treating human children. Usually, though, their addition of “meow” between ever other word gives away the ruse!

 

Caterpillar!

The caterpillar is a curious, fuzzy, and sensitive nocturnal creature that inhabits dark closets the world over. It feeds exclusively on clothing lint, but has been known to eat the naval fuzzies of particularly deep sleepers. Rarely does it move in daylight, which explains the anxious look of the one captured here. Please, reach gently into your coat pockets, you never know what might be munching away quietly in warm, cuddly bliss.

 

Cowl!

The modern short-haired cowl is the last in a legacy of similar creatures, all of which inhabited the plains of northern Siberia, Russia. It’s closest genetic cousin, the woolly cowl, was hunted to extinction by the early 1930s, and, legend has it that the bones of these great creatures lie beneath the famous Road of Hoofs, a northward partner to the later-built Road of Bones. The modern cowl, thought critically endangered, survives on its wits and unique natural talents. It can mimic the call of nearly any animal, or human language, for that matter. In some remote parts of Siberia, it is used to carry messages between villages, and it can do so, regardless of dialect. At night, its haunting call of “hoooo!” can be heard echoing across misty grasslands.

 

Tarantulama!

These rare and amiable arachno-ruminants inhabit the hills of inland Chile, where local children often house them as pets. Some are sewn tiny pack-saddles to carry collections of buttons, change, or other small household items. In some villages, it is customary for tarantulamas to climb up a groom’s leg, and along his arm, to deliver the wedding ring to the bride in an ornate and decorative saddle bag. Tarantualamas are venomous, but in humans, their poison acts like a mild opiate–all the more reason to include them in wedding ceremonies!

 

Frogtopus!

One of the Cook Islands’ most adept mimics, the frogtopus can imitate a myriad of forms and objects, including ice cream cones, tennis shoes (sans pieds), and, predictably, coconuts. This omnivourous and highly intelligent amphibian can sometimes develop a taste for the high life. Recently, a Rarotonga tourist awoke to find his bank card missing, and that his account had been cleared out—the offending frogtopus having spent nearly all of the funds on a bulk order of Cuban cigars and 450 kilograms of dried urchin meat.

 

Zëiger!

In our absence, please note that Bunguin‘s research team has used their holidays to scientific effect! Presenting the zëiger! The predator-prey relationship gives rise to a multitude of adaptations, and no more so in the zëiger.

Pressed by limited prey, this stealthy, elusive, and now vegetarian beast crossed to the northern ends of Bungea, before this supercontinent separated into the landmasses more familiar to our current epoch. A solitary creature, the zëiger roams the northern mountains of Eurasia, blending seamlessly in the long thin shadows cast by alpine trees in the winter light. Interestingly, it hibernates during Summer. Moreover, Bunguin researchers discovered that it can be lured from its comfortable den with fresh-baked chocolate mint cookies.

 

Bumble Bear!

Bears and Bumble Bees have much in common: both are fuzzy, both are cute, and both love honey! The Bumble Bear is native to Norway, but they soon found there way to the larger European continent by clinging to the backs of migrating geese. Their nectar of preference is from dandelions, and so they tend to congregate in urban and rural wildspaces, so, the next time you wander through the tall grasses of a local, overgrown field, watch for them, especially since they can both sting and bite!

 

Foxalotl!

This amphibian cuddle-ball is remarkably rare. Like its close cousin, Ambystoma mexicanum, or Axolotl, it seeks solitude and repose on or near the banks of its favorite water features, in which it pokes about with its tiny, dexterous “hands” for succulent worms. It is as sly as a fox, but bears no genetic similarity to the same. Some say that the tears from a Foxalotl’s laughter, when rubbed in the eyes, allow one to temporarily see the Fairies that inhabit the forests of the world.

 

Assquatch!

The Assquatch is similar to its remote brethren, the famed Sasquatch, yet the Assquatch chooses a diet rich in grasses and apples (as opposed to eating hikers’ heads like apples).

This sedentary and gentle marvel is extraordinarily elusive, and this photo, snapped by a child on an Instamatic in the mid-1970s, is the only visual record known to exist. However, over the years, numerous nature-goers have reported hearing a loud rustling, and a shrill “hee-haw,” often preceded by a warm, loamy, flatulent scent.

Special thanks to TM for the archival work required to discover this wonder!

 

Great White Lark!

The Great White Lark is neither great nor white; however, it shares an exceptional quantity of genetic material with its nearest cousin, the Great White Shark.

The similarities between these very disparate creatures was highlighted recently when the shark was found to be attracted to hit songs by ACDC. And, thanks to research by Bunguin.com scientists, it was discovered that the Great White Lark’s songs sound identical to several ACDC guitar riffs. Further research is required.

This tiny, toothy lark remains docile for most of the year, feeding on grubs and seeds, but during song season, it turns aggressive, and has been known to nip the ends off its handlers’ pinky fingers! Special thanks to Bunguin.com agent C.D. for notifying the team about this marvel!

 

Hummster!

The Hummster, and in particular the Red-Breasted Greencap variety, is known for its cupidity for all things sweet. So much so, that they can rarely fly for more than a few moments without respite. Winded by their fuzzy girth, the Hummster can be seen clinging to various backyard objects in the height of late Spring, when their rapaciousness for nectar knows no bounds!

Special thanks to S & J for alerting Bunguin.com about this marvel.

 

Rhinodillo!

This little chap goes by the Latin name Shinnus Bashius Repeatus, and is thought to, despite its docile disposition and diminutive size, contain the rage afforded to its larger cousin, the rhinoceros.

The well-armoured Rhinodillo wanders the midland planes of Africa in search of grubs, tree fruit, and when in season, Timbits, its favorite pre-nap snack.

 

Beagle!

This creature of the North soars among iceberg mazes, looking for fish-shaped dog-treats. Beagles make amiable pets, provided they have a sturdy perch upon which to land. Sadly, they do not have eagle eyes. However, with their superior canine sense of smell, they can rout out crunchy snacks from thousands of feet in the air.

 

Porcupanda!

As a matter of survival, this little puff-ball of cuteness was born. For centuries, baby Panda’s have been suffocated by oxytocin-crazed huggers, who find them so cute that they want to crush them with love. In defense, the Porcupanda has adopted quills, which, in a twist of irony, has made them cuter than before. Cuddle at your own risk!

 

Squail!

These unassuming and tiny garden friends are shy as quails and hungry as snails, especially for succulent leafy mulch left about. Be careful when stepping this Spring, as it is considered terrible luck to harm these gentle and shy creatures.

When startled, all but their cute head-feather retreats into the safety of the shell!

 

Goatrilla!

It’s been a while since the last post. And this creature is why. Rumoured to roam the high hills of the Congo region, the goatrilla is more elusive than a mink and more mighty than a rhino. Shortly after this photograph was taken, the Bunguin Team photographer was used much as a cat plays with a mouse, a cat with the strength of the Hulk and horns of a bull. Needless to say, the recovery process was slow, particularly as the beast decided to humour its companion by using the photographer as a puppet. It had big hands.

 

Millipeacock!

This nocturnal beast slithers along the leafy, forest floor, looking for discarded lollipops, which it consumes to enrich its plumage. DO NOT stand before it and its mate or it may take you for a rival male, and all manner of feather and hiss will result!

 

Platypussy!

It may not lay eggs, but it does give birth to warm smiles of affection, mixed with confusion. Beware the Platypussy’s cute lure, for it has barbs beneath that fuzzy exterior. It is the Cyrano de Bergerac of the Cuddly Kingdom.

 

Polar Mare!

The Polar Mare wanders the windswept outskirts of Churchill, Manitoba, in search of sustenance. Sadly, due to global warming, hay-bale bergs are vanishing in the North. Soon, these majestic wanderers will be forced to eat your lawn.

 

Hippoconda!

Few creatures inspire terror quite like snakes, and even fewer like hippos, which routinely bite people in half for sport. Lo! the Hippoconda, a marriage of these beasts will constrict, then mash you with its blunted teeth. You have been warned.

 

Marmalo!

Somehow this buffalo/marmot hybrid appears furtive, a spy, perhaps. Or, maybe a metal-band roadie after a hard night. For the sake of all that is holy, let’s hope the marmot mated with the buffalo, and not the, ahem, reverse.

 

Welcome to Bunguin!

Here you will find all manner of majestic marvels to titillate, confuse, and gaze upon. These breeds may seem at first unnatural, or unholy. However, all Nature’s creatures deserve equal treatment, and the occasional cuddle. Enjoy!